Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
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