well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
im on a boat
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