Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
why does every cop we meet know your name?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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