I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
