Can i not drive my cunt home
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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