i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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