I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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