Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
