Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
