His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
