paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
