I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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