No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
