I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
