i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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