hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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