remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
