just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
