I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
