He uses pillows to masturbate.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
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