Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
So vagazzling was a success
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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