He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
