i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
