somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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