omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
