We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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