i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
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