Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
