Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
