I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
