She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
