I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
