ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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