there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
