Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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