The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
