He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
