she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
