Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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