Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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