he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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