I want to make a zoo with you.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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