What tipped you off? The sombrero?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
