last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
