I think scott just propositioned me for sex
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
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