i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
