I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Please don't give away my fajitas
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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