I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
