I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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