So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Who wears a wallet chain?!
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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