At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
