My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
