I just gift wrapped bread.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
