I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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